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The divorce was about you, but custody is about the kids.

"Divorce causes emotional tunnel vision and people get so focused on their own hurts and needs that they lose sight of the goal of creating a good childhood," Pisarra says.

Prevent as many as conflicts as possible with your ex by open communication, but when disagreements do arise, consider if the conflict is truly worth fighting over.

Things like food choices, unless there's a known medical issue like diabetes or food allergies, are not worth the fight." Save your energy and good will with your ex and the courts for those things that do matter.

A child experiences lots of change during a divorce.

Expert after expert (most of whom were divorced themselves) repeated this: Don't speak poorly about your ex.

"Badmouthing the ex will be internalized by the child because they are made up of both you and your ex," says David Pisarra, fathers' rights attorney at Mens Family and author of A Man's Guide To Child Custody.

Shared custody works best when both parents set aside their ego and realize that what is best for the child is not always what feels good for you as a parent.""Often during a separation or divorce, parents make unrealistic custody grabs based on fear or insecurity," says Laura Wasser, a celebrity divorce attorney in Los Angeles and author of the new book It Doesn't Have to Be That Way.

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