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It’s unfair to place all the responsibility for fixing this problem at the feet of the people who’s identities are being undermined.
I just don’t think it’s OK to process your sexual trauma in a delegitimizing way through the bodies of folks who’ve often faced tons of trauma at the intersection of gender and sexuality.
The problem isn’t one sided: trans guys owe it to themselves to not accept a misgendering sexuality frame just because it makes it easier to get laid, but that shit’s complicated in a cissexist world.
There’s a ton of gender based trauma out there, and I understand that folks associate this with cis men, and not with trans men. A lot of that trauma gets easily linked to genitals, but this isn’t about bodies, it’s about patriarchy.
I think this sexuality frame is a big part of why so many trans men get away with (and are sometimes even encouraged to practice) unchecked misogyny and male privilege (remember, power is complicated.
When you really look at the way patterns of desire map onto what bodies are privileged and what bodies are marginalized, it becomes obvious that our desires are political.